Just when you thought that "Rapid-Fire Appearances" was down for the count, it gets up off the mat and starts pinning down "MADtv" cast members left and right. The scandalous, soy milk-fueled orgy that ensues is this recurring Front Page News feature, for which virgins may require a brief explanation. Basically, "Rapid-Fire Appearances" cuts through most of the journalistic fluff in order to bring you several of the latest television and film appearances by "MADtv" cast members and alumni. In other words, if you like plain folks' talk without all that big-city, fancy-schmancy language to clutter things up, then read on, my couch-spud friend. Shoot fire, what are we waiting for, partner? Let's fire up this dadgum rodeo!

If you need a reason to watch Eddie Murphy's latest comedy film, Meet Dave (released on July 11th), then perhaps an appearance by "mustachioed grunt" Pat Kilbane will whet your appetite. As this movie review informs us, Pat's character, a crew member from the planet Nil -- oh, the easy jokes I'm suppressing! -- apparently "turns gay" after watching A Chorus Line. He and the film's other main characters, including Eddie's, are minute explorers from Nil. Their transgalactic mission is to steal Earth's natural resources so that they can save their tennis ball of a planet. At any rate, if the idea of stereotypical humor at Pat's expense seems endlessly appealing to you, then be sure to catch Meet Dave before theaters render it, well, nil. Special thanks go to MADfan2004 for bringing Pat's literally and figuratively miniature role to our attention.

While you are scanning the theaters for Pat's movie, go check out Bobby Lee in Pineapple Express. Yeah, yeah, I can hear your moans and groans already, you sad sacks. However, as this review makes clear, Bobby's performance may well be worth checking out. The film itself centers around a couple of stoners (Seth Rogen and James Franco) who unwittingly find themselves in the middle of a drug war. Bobby's character, who just so happens to be named Bobby himself (so much for originality), shows up toward the movie's climax as an assassin from an Asian gang. According to the review, his performance is -- dare I say it? -- hilarious. Obviously, you will have to see the movie in order to judge for yourself. Pineapple Express opened in theaters on August 6th, so you should still have time to catch it before it wastes away into the hallucinogenic land of DVD. If you want a glimpse of what I assume is a fully clothed Bobby, then take advantage of this rare opportunity while you still can. You'll be so wasted, dudes. Special thanks go to nick for bringing this one to our attention.

Are you looking for some Keegan-Michael Key TV comedy that has nothing to do with "MADtv" itself? Then get ready to feast on some "Chocolate News"! According to the information found here, the series will star David Alan Grier in a fake news program that will serve up the news from an African-American perspective. Keegan himself is scheduled to play Woodsy in at least one episode. If we assume that Keegan's character will be a hit and that "MADtv" will permit him a little moonlighting, then we may be fortunate enough to catch him on several other "Chocolate News" episodes. Still, if you know the adage regarding assumptions, then you know that a two-microsecond cameo is the more likely scenario. Whatever the case may prove to be, keep a brown eye open for Keegan when "Chocolate News" premieres October 15th on Comedy Central.

Credit Mike Judge for continuing to keep David Herman gainfully employed. The good word -- or should I say "goode word"? -- from Zap2it is that a new Mike Judge animated series, "The Goode Family," will contend for midseason placement on ABC. If the series makes the cut, then expect David to voice Ubuntu Goode, just one member of an environmentally, politically, and socially aware family. Naturally, the Goodes' efforts often meet with hilarious consequences; after all, who could possibly pass up an opportunity to make fun of damn, dirty hippies? Therefore, if you would like a cartoon glimpse into my college days -- don't be hating, you capitalistic fascists! -- then "The Goode Family" might just do you some, well, good.

Those who were wisely betting that the ubiquitous name Orlando Jones would pop up somewhere in this "RFA" edition may now collect. The Big O now makes his omnipotent presence known in Cirque du Freak. If you were also betting that I would provide you with a helpful link to an article discussing this fantasy film, then congratulations on your early retirements, you capitalistic fascists:

"CIRQUE DU FREAK is about a young boy named Darren Shan, who, after attending an illegal freak show with his best friend, decides to become a vampire's assistant in order to save his best friend's life. Forced to leave his home and family forever, Darren joins the freak show, where he meets a host of bizarre creatures and finds himself at the center of a war between the vampires and a rival clan."

Although I do not know exactly how Orlando's Alexander Ribs, fits into this craziness, I can confirm my inability to say his character's name out loud without experiencing fits of laughter. (I'm strange like that.) Expect Cirque du Freak to show its fangs in theaters some time in 2008.

Can Josh Meyers figure out How to Make Love to a Woman? With some help from silicone goddess Jenna Jameson, who plays her silicone self in this indie romantic comedy, Josh's character (Andy) will almost certainly find the answer. Once again, I find myself wondering if I should sue the scriptwriters for copyright infringement. After all, Andy's inability to satisfy his girlfriend (hence, the need for Jenna's advice) is certainly a swiped reference from my never-to-be-published autobiography -- that is, minus the never-to-be-realized opportunity to investigate Jenna's oversized fun bags up-close. Well, while I contemplate my potential lawsuit, read this article for more information on How to Make Love to a Woman, which is slated to bounce into theaters before year's end.

Are you an Andrew Bowen fan who has vowed to jump headfirst off a skyscraper if he appears in one more frigging TV commercial? Then perhaps Andrew's lead role in the indie thriller Conjurer will cause you to think twice about that free fall into cement. As luck would have it, there is even an official site for this movie, which has already won an award for best horror film at the Action on Film International Film Festival. (Stick that in your Oscar and smoke it.) Andrew's character, Shawn Burnett, moves into a haunted rural farmhouse with his wife, all the while dealing with a "ghostly presence" that "manifests itself in increasingly deadly ways" -- but enough about Andrew's Keanu Reeves impression. (Don't applaud, folks; just throw credit cards.) Seriously, though, Conjurer looks quite promising, as a glimpse at the trailer (available on the aforementioned site) will show. "Oh, it's just a lead role in an indie film," you say. Okay, hot shots, what have you ever starred in? Uh-huh, I'll tell you what, you cynical, capitalistic fascists: if you are lucky enough to catch this film when it hits theaters before year's end, then see if you can do any better. Or you can just ignore my pretend insult and see the film anyway.

Are you one of the myriad Nicole Randall Johnson fans who have been wondering what your favorite Darrell and Ka-Son portrayer is up to these days? You can find out on November 14th when the ironically titled comedy film Role Models is released to theaters. The film's plot, as detailed in this article, involves two salesmen (played by Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott) who trash a company truck while under the influence of energy drinks, of all things. (Ah, those were the days!) To avoid prison time, the two "role models" agree to join a mentorship program, which turns out to be almost as much of a headache as the lingering possibility of hard time. Somewhere in the middle of all this havoc, NRJ herself pops up in the role of Karen. Although I cannot find any information on her character, I am inclined to believe that she might be one of the "annoying do-gooders" from the mentoring program. It's just a hunch, though; so do not quote me on that. Anyway, if you find yourself needing a Nicole Randall Johnson fix, then consider Role Models your "dealer." You'll be so wasted, dudes. Oh, never mind -- I've already used up that brilliant joke.

Finally, if your lifelong dream is to see "MADtv" alumni Kathryn Fiore and Daniele Gaither in the same movie, then consider your low-expectation-riddled existence fulfilled after viewing the thriller Necessary Evil. Seriously, though, as this plot synopsis indicates, Kathryn's role of Deborah Fielding is what we in the news business would refer to as a "biggie":

"Locked inside Edgewater Psychiatric Institute is a deep, dark secret. Deborah Fielding, budding investigative journalist, holds the key.

Nothing can prepare her for the Pandora's box she's about to open.

Following a trail of eyewitnesses, missing persons, and anonymous tips, Deborah will stop at nothing to uncover the truth, even if it means confronting the demons from her past.

Deborah's journey plunges her into a supernatural spider web of intrigue and corruption leading to the highest echelons of power."

Daniele's character, Gail, appears to be far less significant than Karen's, although her fans may consider the opportunity to see her in anything post-"MADtv" reason enough to check out Necessary Evil. I cannot say that I share your enthusiasm, though. Sorry, but with all due respect to the lovely Ms. Dani, if I'm shelling out eight bucks to see one of these two ladies on the big screen, then Blondie gets my vote and fantasy lap dance every time. At any rate, if your upcoming New Year's Eve plans are as uneventful as mine, then you may want to hunt down this "evil" movie when it makes its scheduled Decemeber 31st debut in theaters.

At long last, we have reached the end of this long, bumpy road of "Rapid-Fire Appearances." Even though the wheels on our used jalopy are worse for the wear, we take comfort in knowing that several "MADtv" cast members and alumni will be entertaining us in the months to come. Until we enlighten and frighten you again, you capitalistic fascists -- thought I was done with that slur, huh? -- remember to stay tuned for more "Rapid-Fire Appearances"!

Because things tend to pile up with so many MADtv cast members making their rounds in showbiz (50 and counting), I've decided to kick off what will likely become a regular feature here at the site: "Rapid-Fire Appearances". In short, these articles will dispense with (most of) the usual journalistic fluff and cut straight to the chase on the latest cast appearances set to grace your television/movie screen in the near-future. Got it? Then let's begin!

First off, Artie Lange announced on Conan O'Brien a few weeks back that he will once again be appearing on Rescue Me this season. The usual first-stops for guest star listings -- IMDb, TV.com, et al -- were less than helpful at the time (and still are, in fact), but we've just learned that Artie's first appearance aired on July 25th. He, apparently, has a recurring role, so those who are interested will want to check out tomorrow night's episode. Rescue Me airs at 10:00pm EST Wednesday nights on FX.

Coming to ABC Family this August is Slacker Cats -- a new animated series featuring everyone's favorite long-departed cast members, Nicole Sullivan and Alex Borstein! For the benefit of those who didn't immediately skip ahead to the next item after seeing "ABC Family", here's the overly-detailed synopsis:

"Slacker Cats" follows two buddy cats, Buckley and Eddie, who slack their way through various unimpressive adventures. The half-hour, prime-time animated comedy series features the voices of Harland Williams, Sinbad, Kiersten Warren, Nicole Sullivan, Niecy Nash, Alex Borstein and legendary cult stand-up Emo Philips.

Does the show's prime-time slot indicate that we're in for something potentially appealing to those over the age of six? Tune in next month to find out!

Anyone remember Simon Helberg? Me neither. Nonetheless, this former MADtv featured player has landed himself a gig on the new CBS show, The Big Bang Theory, which features a premise I can only assume was lifted directly from my life:

THE BIG BANG THEORY is a comedy from the Emmy Award nominated Co-Creator and Executive Producer of "Two and a Half Men" Chuck Lorre, about brainy best friends Leonard (Johnny Galecki, "Roseanne") and Sheldon (Jim Parsons "Judging Amy"), who can tell you anything you want to know about quantum physics, but when it comes to dealing with everyday life here on earth they're lost in the cosmos. Neither fully understands that scientific principles don't always apply in matters of the heart - until they meet their sexy new neighbor Penny (Kaley Cuoco, "8 Simple Rules..."), a friendly screenwriter/waitress from the midwest who also happens to be newly single. She quickly makes an impression on the other members of Leonard and Sheldon's geek squad - Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"), who portrays himself as the Casanova of Cal Tech, and fellow whiz kid Rajesh Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar, "NCIS"), who is rendered speechless around anyone unprepared to converse about the Theory of Relativity or other scientific jargon. The chemistry between this gaggle of geniuses and a delightful damsel is about to undergo a stimulating series of inter-personal experiments.

The Big Bang Theory, eh? Oh, CBS -- what a wicked web of punnery you weave! Monday nights starting September 24th. 8:30pm EST. CBS. Be there. [Or not.]

Frank Caliendo fans will be pleased to learn that his new show, "The Frank Show" (one of the more imaginative titles to ever come out of Hollywood), is set to premiere on TBS "this fall". November 20th is the tentative premiere date, but this is subject to change between now and then. To whet your appetite, a number of preview clips have been made available for streaming on TBS.com. Why not check them out? Frank would do it for you if *you* were on TV!

Finally, in Phil LaMarr and David Herman news, details on the return of Futurama have finally surfaced! According to TV Squad:

Futurama is back, and now we know in what form. The show will return on November 27th as a full-length high-def film sold on DVD. It will be followed by three additional films, and each film will be divided into four episodes each to be aired on Comedy Central. So, that's 4 DVD movies or 16 new episodes depending on how you look at it.

Exciting news indeed for Futurama fans and nerds in general! I can almost count the number of days before the inevitable leak!

Special thanks go out to mizzimad for the Slacker Cats and Big Bang Theory leads. Join us again next time for another episode of Rapid-Fire Appearances!

Thanks to deniseD for the update.

David Herman is the newest in the growing number of former MADtv cast members to get his own official website, davidfreddy.com. It is pretty bare right now since it is still under construction, but you can check out his official bio which includes "R-Rated Movie Acting" and voice work. You can also see what's going on with him currently in the "What's New With David" section on the main page.

Although there's not much there now, I'm sure that the site will expand in the coming months.

According to this press release from Superhero Hype, Phil LaMarr will be doing voicework on the formerly cancelled HBO series, Spawn: The Animation, which was taken off the air back in 1999. Phil will provide the voice of Perry, who is described as "a strung out, immature, trouble maker in way over his head." You can read more on the series here.

In addition to that, Phil, as well as David Herman, will provide several voices for the upcoming direct-to-DVD Futurama movie. Here is the summary from IMDB:

On a delivery to a planet on the other side of the universe, the Planet Express team stumble across the buried head-in-a-jar of HG Wells. Wells tells of how his literary characters have come to life and are plotting something evil. The crew manage to round up most of the characters on the planet but Wells tells them that the Invisible Man is missing. Worse still, so is the ship...

Unfortunately, the status for the movie is currently "announced" and is not set to be released until 2007.

According to www.IMDB.com, past MADtv favourites Alex Borstein and David Herman will have supporting roles in the new Will Ferrell comedy "Kicking and Screaming", set to be released in the USA on the 13th of May, 2005.

Plot Outline: Family man Phil Weston, a lifelong victim of his father's competitive nature, takes on the coaching duties of a kids' soccer team, and soon finds that he's also taking on his father's dysfunctional way of relating...

It's always good to see Alex and Dave pop up in movies, regardless of the size of the role.

I was able to get the chance to talk with Alex Borstein about some of her current projects. She gave me some updates on her busy schedule and what she is currently up to.

Family Guy is coming along well. She has already recorded ten new episodes for the series and recently did a live reading of one of the episodes at the Montreal Comedy Festival to a sold out crowd. The show was so popular that there has been talk about taking the readings on the road, but we'll see. The new episodes are scheduled to begin airing on FOX in June 2005.

Her LA performance of her one woman show, Drop Dead Gorgeous In A Down To Earth Bombshell Sort Of Way on August 14th was a huge success. The next date on her tour was supposed to be Chicago, but she is currently too busy and cannot commit to a date at this time.

She encourages all of her fans to go see Catwoman. When asked about the film, she responded "It certainly wasn't great, but it's kinda fun and silly and filled with cleavage." She thinks that the scathing reviews of the film are funny. In other film news, she landed a cameo role in the new Will Ferrell movie, Kicking and Screaming and along with her husband Jackson, she has been working on an independent film project with the creator of The Blair Witch Project, entitled The Strand.

That's all for now, she has had a busy summer and is working on a lot of great projects that we will hopefully get a glimpse of soon. I am really hoping for a Chicago date of her show, because I hear that it was amazing.

Update: David herman will also be appearing in the movie "Kicking and Screaming".

It seems that the past and current MADtv cast members are hitting it big in Hollywood and abroad at the moment, with many of them earning bit parts in big budget movies and a few with large parts in Indie films. Is this worthy of my first official “Front Page News” post? I think so!

Ike Barinholtz and Nicole Sullivan will appear in the upcoming film Beds and Breakfast, in what we hope are substantial roles, as they were name dropped as some of the first actors cast in the film. Beds and Breakfast is currently in pre-production and is slated for filming and release in 2005.

Plot Summary: Gary and Susan need a break from their over-populated New York City lives. When Susan's sister Janet offers a weekend on the sly at her boss' unused Vermont cabin, they jump at the chance for privacy. Unknown to Janet, junior partner Mark has planned a secret honeymoon with his new husband at the cabin. When Janet's boss sends a fugitive client, a thieving executive, to the cabin, he brings along the stolen funds as well as his flaky mistress. Trapped in the house until Sunday, the couples clash, bond and start running when an angry investor shows up for the money.

Dannah Feinglass will appear in the film Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story in the role of Erika Dukes, opposite her real-life boyfriend Paul Scheer.

Plot Summary: Caught cheating and banned for ten years, Bobby Dukes, paintball's first superstar, returns to reclaim his title and erase the memory of his tainted past.

Simon Helberg has a small role in the upcoming Hilary Duff movie A Cinderella story, in the role of Terry.

Plot Summary: Set at a high school in the San Fernando Valley, this is the story of a "dorky" girl, Sam Martin (Duff), who lives with her stepmother (Coolidge) and stepsisters, after her father dies, and his diner is taken over by his new wife, who used to be a waitress there and who makes Sam do all the hard work there. Sam has few friends at her high school, where the top of the social ladder is Shelby Cummings (Gonzalo), a girl who is wealthy, spoiled and shallow. Sam's attitude and look changes quickly overnight, however, when her cel phone is found by a mysterious guy (Murray), with whom she soon starts corresponding via notes and e-mails, with the promise looming soon that she will finally get to meet him at the big Halloween school dance...

David Herman has been cast in an Untitled Mike Judge Comedy slated for filming in 2005. This project also has current Saturday Night Live cast member Maya Rudolph listed.

Plot Summary: Private Joe Bowers, the definition of "average American", is selected by the Pentagon to be the guinea pig for a top-secret hibernation program, set 1,000 years in the future. He discovers a society so incredibly dumbed-down that he's easily the most intelligent person alive.

Taran Killam will be appearing in an upcoming film entitled Anderson's Crossing in the role of Austin Wilson.

Plot Summary: Nick Anderson, Kevin Daniels, and Tracey Green do everything together, everything. They are the best of friends. And yet they couldn't be more different. Neighbors from adolescence they finish each others thoughts and sentences. Joys and pains. Happiness and tears. Using Nicks house as they're own members only clubhouse they escape into their own world of contentment. Yet the inevitable intrusion of others tests their stability in ways never imagined.

Bobby Lee will be in the upcoming comedy Harold and Kumar go to White Castle in the role of ‘Kenneth Park’

Plot Summary: Two twenty-something stoner roommates -- one a Korean American investment banker; the other an Indian American medical school candidate -- go through a life changing journey, as they spend a night roaming the state of New Jersey in search of White Castle hamburgers.

Michael McDonald will appear in the films Chump Change with original MADtv cast member Mary Scheer, and in Doubting Riley in the role of Andy.

Since leaving MADtv, Christina Moore has been busy with her role in That 70;s show and has recently been working on the films Complete Guide to Guys which is slated for filming in 2005, and the comedy Without a paddle (A parody of 'Deliverance' which ironically, was filmed here in New Zealand)

Plot Summary: This is the story of three friends (Green, Lillard, Shepard) from the big city of Philadelphia who go canoeing together out in the woods and mountains of Washington State after the death of a friend, Billy. Billy was obsessed with going there to search for the unaccounted-for $194,200 out of the $200,000 that famed airliner highjacker D.B. Cooper parachuted with quite possibly to his death in 1971 $5,800 of his marked ransom loot was found in 1980. Canoeing down the Columbia River, the trio soon finds that their canoeing experience goes wrong..., both horribly and hilariously wrong, as the river turns dangerous, and they have encounters with the crazy mountain men (Burt Reynolds) plays who live near the river...

And finally, Paul Vogt will appear in the sequel to 2002's hit comedy the Princess Diaries, entitled The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement in the role of Lord Crawley.

Plot Summary: In 'The Princess Diaries 2', Mia Thermopolis is now a high school graduate and on her way to Genovia to take up her duties as princess (contrary to what was presented at the end of the first film, Mia does not leave her home for a few more years). Her best friend Lilly also joins her for the summer. Mia continues her 'princess lessons'- riding horses side-saddle, archery, and other royal. But her complicated life is turned upside down once again when she not only learns that she is to take the crown as queen earlier than expected, but that she is also to be married before this event. Robert Schwartzman will not be reprising his role as Mia's love interest.

Phew. It's good to see that now, more than ever, the MADtv cast members are getting recognition for their talents, and more importantly, that they are getting good gigs. Hopefully this is an indication of good things in the future.